Talking about the reality of the kinky world versus popular perception.

The advent of mainstream entertainment with content generally considered taboo has brought the kinky world into the spotlight.

In particular, the popularity of the Fifty Shades of Grey books and the social networking website FetLife, also called “the kinky facebook”, has increased semi-anonymous communication and networking as well as access to educational resources and safety precautions.

“I think it’s interesting how big Fifty Shades got when it’s been underground for so long, but it just reached the breaking point and really got popular,” said Nick, an experienced 30 year old dominant and sadist. “All the vanillas know what it is, but it has the unfortunate effect of portraying things as a typical ‘Twilight’ love story.

“Fifty Shades of Grey is like the porch: if you’re willing to go up on the porch, are you willing to go in the house? There’s so much more to it.”

“I’ve heard from people in the BDSM world that it’s not that true to the real thing and it’s a little skewed,” said Nathan, a recent addition to the local community. “It’s not a true perspective on the BDSM world, but I intend on reading it because it is a kind of accepted craze, and I could use that as a comparative tool to learn more.”

While it may seem counter-intuitive to those unfamiliar with kinky activities to be concerned about safety, to those with an interest in giving or receiving pain, it is very important.

“For me, safety stuff is like, how emotionally stable are you? Do you have any health concerns, because I don’t want to cause severe injury – damaging organs or breaking bones.

It’s a liability concern on my end. I don’t want somebody enter into (a scene) and have something go wrong,” said Nick.

A safeword can cover any issue from an unexpected need to use the restroom to a more serious concern.

“With (my husband and I), in private, we’ve never had to safeword because we know each other that well. We still have safewords; that is non-negotiable. As for personal physical health, we have ourselves regularly tested, and will not play with anyone until we know them, and know their precautions and hygiene.” Lynn, a 27 year old “newbie” sadomasochist said.

Despite popular belief, people that are interested in kink are not just people that have experienced some form of abuse, though like in any group, those people do exist. In fact, the idea that people into kink are somehow broken can be damaging to those who have suffered some form abuse.

“I’ve met some women who have been traumatized, who have been abused – and they have desires that they want to express, but because of trauma it becomes much more difficult,” said Nick. “I was never abused or violated, never teased, never bullied.

“It’s just something that I was born with…that I stopped denying about my human self; there’s things that I enjoy and things that I don’t enjoy and I know what those things are.”

The idea of BDSM being a part of who they are is a common theme amongst kinky people.

“From my point of view, I believe that if done properly, following safety rules, respect, et cetera, (kink) can be a perfectly safe way to explore our fantasies…as long as one follows proper protocols and has informed consent.” said Nathan.

BDSM has strengthened the relationship of some couples, including Lynn and Alan.

“Entering the scene has brought a depth to our lives in so many ways: communication, understanding, enjoyment, freedom and respect,” said Alan.

“We have a full honesty policy: no holding back to save feelings, and if you’re doing something you wouldn’t want to tell your partner, don’t do it,” said Lynn. “I’ve taken that to heart, and I am a better person for it.

“BDSM has given me a new outlook on life,” Lynn said. “It has taught me that I am not abnormal.

“BDSM has freed me.”